I spent most of my Christmas working on reinstalling the operating system on my computer. In doing so I found that my network attached hard drive, which I had not tried accessing for a good while, had died. Gone are the many gigs of videos I had sitting there for easy access, as well as a convenient place to back up my music. Fifteen gigs of music which I forgot to back up while sifting through the files that I wanted to make sure I did not lose.
Meanwhile my family gatherings for the holidays has shrunk down to just my family and my sister's husband instead of the traditional hooplah of years past at my grandma's house. I did not exactly miss the insanity of a cold house containing people I mostly could not understand, however this new format isn't especially appealing. All because of some good old fashion family bickering.
And as I stare at the clock slowly counting up the seconds, minutes and hours, I can only think of the last conversation I had with a friend of mine that went sour just a little while ago. With instant messages being less instant than speaking with someone directly, you have more time to pick and choose your words carefully. I thought I did, but it seems like the only thing I accomplished was to get someone to start thinking twice about mentioning anything to me again. I'm hoping I'm just making a mountain out of a molehill because of all the other things weighing on my mind (which are actually unrelated to anything I've mentioned thus far).
As I look over what I've just written, I have to wonder why I'm choosing to push this onto a public place where friends and strangers see it. It may elicit a response from people I know, and the last thing I want to do is explain anything despite the fact that I wrote so many things that can be expanded upon.
So its 4AM the day after Christmas. My computer is running nice and error free again, and the glut of holiday music will finally be coming to an end. I'll take that as a victory.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Lunchtime is Lame with No Computer
So it's lunchtime and since my workplace is, in a single crude word, BULLSHIT, I am on my phone surfing with frustration because as good as this little gadget is for texting, it has this knack for making me feel like a total cripple when it comes to using a tiny browser.
There have been a few times where I found myself with an itch to contribute here, but again and again I find myself unwilling to share any of my deepest fears and illogical pellets of frustration. There are many things that go well during my days and yet alongside the brightness is an enormous cloud. It grows more and more opaque as time moves on and, well, it feels as though I am growing more and more blind.
That's all I'm willing to give up at the moment and if I am lucky, my phone will somehow refuse to post this.
There have been a few times where I found myself with an itch to contribute here, but again and again I find myself unwilling to share any of my deepest fears and illogical pellets of frustration. There are many things that go well during my days and yet alongside the brightness is an enormous cloud. It grows more and more opaque as time moves on and, well, it feels as though I am growing more and more blind.
That's all I'm willing to give up at the moment and if I am lucky, my phone will somehow refuse to post this.
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